you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
