she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
