well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
