drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
