He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
