Just fell off a train. Bad.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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