Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
