Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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