the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
