I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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