i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
that may or may not have been my penis.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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