I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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