im drinking this country out of the recession.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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