Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
