Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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