My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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