he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
