me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
