somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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