The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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