Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
