I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Drunk is not a location!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
