I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize