That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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