I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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