'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
