You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
