just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
