apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
