I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize