good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
