Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
