you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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