I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
