is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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