Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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