Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
