I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize