I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
