sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
