his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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