This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
