Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
