Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Someone shattered a urinal.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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