ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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