Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
