At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
