He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
