I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
