Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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