Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
