Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i came on her dog
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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