I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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