I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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