Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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