honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
