Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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