you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
