she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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