This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
