Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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