You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
