For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
