Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
